The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
