tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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