Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
