Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
