Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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