We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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