i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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