im six kinds of drunk right now
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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