I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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