remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
where does the pee come out of this thing
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
