i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
