you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
