my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
A+ Viking dick
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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