i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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