Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
