So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
