I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
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Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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