um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He shit in the fireplace
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
