You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
