First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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