I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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