Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
