I want to stick my p in your. b.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
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after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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