Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
