Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize