Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
