I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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