Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
