im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
