where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm just crazy horny about you
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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