i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
