Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
