Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
