This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
