yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
