after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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