my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
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walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
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