I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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