You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
