My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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