Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize