Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
