how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
