super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
