Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
