doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
