Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
