Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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