im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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