Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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