I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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