There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
