found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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