I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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