id be glad to
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
