The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
They have beer where we have blood.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
