Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
