what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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