Swine flu. Run for my life!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
