i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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