ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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