i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
