i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
