Swine flu. Run for my life!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I love having hate sex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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