first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
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I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
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Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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