i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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