I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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