let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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