The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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