Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
