I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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