In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
