Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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