So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You are the jesus of drinking
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
